when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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