I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
