Kiss
Puke
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
