my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
