It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
