Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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