Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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