I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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