Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I want to have your abortion
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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