Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
