I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
