So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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