At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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