but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
this is an emotional support booty call
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
