Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
