I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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