It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
