Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
