you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
