Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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