Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Drunk is not a location!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
