I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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