apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
