Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
