FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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