Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
