im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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