Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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