he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize