I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
