i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
