Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
