This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
