In the future we'll all be gay
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
