Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
