i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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