Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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