we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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