he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
