Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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