ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
