I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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