im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
