it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
