his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
