Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
