if i can run in heels then i can drive
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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