If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
