i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
