Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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