She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
