Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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