Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm experimenting with sincerity
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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