How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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