Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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