honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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