Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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