I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
