saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
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i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
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pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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