I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
