problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
