I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
