Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
