I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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