For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't think tits should taste like fish.