I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??