i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.