wanna go halves on a baby?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Randomize
