Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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