Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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