Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
