my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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