You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
