Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
