I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he puts the penis in happiness.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
