someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
