You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
