im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
