so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
